The King and Queen of Clueless
by MadnessinmyMethod
Summary: Kahoko finds out that Len has adoring fangirls, but he doesn't know. Well, if it was her she'd want someone to tell her, right? T for language and adult themes. I warned you. Hino KahokoxTsukimori Len. Chapter 4: Valen-FAIL Day. ON HAITUS.
1. The King and Queen of Clueless

**Author's Note: As a warning, I wrote this very late at night, so it's probably messed up on so many levels. A lot of the completely ridiculous things in this story are based off of this person I know who is almost exactly like Tsukimori. There is also use of a good deal of "adult" language in this one-shot, so if you start blushing profusely, I warned you. Oh, and they're probably a tad OOC. I couldn't help it. I'm sort of guessing this is how they would interact if they became slightly closer friends. This is dedicated to the Tsukimori/Mr. Darcy doppelganger that moved way too far away from me. Sigh. Well, anyway, enjoy this one-shot and please review.**_**The King and Queen of Clueless**_

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_**By MadnessinmyMethod**_

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Tsukimori Len was a brilliant violinist. He was handsome. He was rather rich. While he was aware of all these things which described him, he was unaware of how attractive it made him to those of the female persuasion. He was woefully ignorant of the legions of underclassmen, who went quite a distance out of their way to pass him in the halls and sigh with longing. He was unaware of the fact that everyone knew but him.

Hino Kahoko was a friend of Len's. Well… she called them friends and he let her since it was easier than trying to run away. And in the end, she never did him too much harm and interesting things tended to happen when he was around her. He admitted that, all in all, she was tolerable.

Kahoko was an interesting girl. For the most part she was unaware of romance and all things that were associated with the topic. She noticed when boys were cute and men were handsome, but she never really thought much beyond that. She certainly thought that Len was attractive, but he was her friend and that would be… well… weird.

It wasn't until one day when she overheard a certain conversation that she began to think of Len as something other than a boy she was friends with…

"_I'm telling you," a wispy first year said to her butch friend (what a contrast!), "he's like a sex god." Kahoko felt herself burning up. Since when did first years talk about sex so much?_

"_Who are you talking about again?" the butch girl asked. _

_Kahoko was slightly curious as to who they were describing in such vivid detail that she could not help but slow down, despite the fear of what other vulgar things she might hear._

"_Tsukimori-senpai, of course," the wispy girl said. "I mean, what other studmuffins go to this school? His face looks like it was carved by angels. I would have his babies if he wanted me to!"_

"_Eh?" her friend replied noncommittally. "They do say he's made of sex."_

_Kahoko's eyes looked like saucers and she quickly ran away from the first years before she heard anything else so upsetting. The layers of naiveté were shattered. _Tsukimori-kun… made of sex?? _It was too much. _

_Thankfully whatever great power there was in the universe took pity on her and Kahoko had encountered no one during her flight from the over-sexed first years. She did not know what she would have done if she had ran into one of the other concours participants or one of her friends. Exploded probably, she thought. _

As time passed, Kahoko never truly forgot that conversation. Every time she looked at Len she thought about what the first years had said. He was handsome after all. Kahoko found herself studying his strong jaw line and his broad shoulders. When he caught her looking, she would blush and turn away. Maybe he was a studmuffin… maybe he was made of sex.

She never thought that she would hear more scandalous opinions of her friend. She had thought the first years were an isolated incident. But now that she had heard it once, it seemed to be everywhere. Kahoko noticed a pattern in the girls that walked by Len. She noticed the evil glares directed at herself when she was near him. She heard the whispers as he left a room. It was all too weird and the worst part was that Len was clueless. At least Yunoki Azuma was aware of his admirers, but Len was ridiculously ignorant.

Kahoko had always hated being unaware of things, and as the days and weeks passed, she could not bear to see Len so completely clueless of the facts. The matter was delicate and Kahoko had a perfect, flawless plan to deliver the news gently. After much pleading and persuading, she had managed to arrange to meet Len at the park on a Saturday. From there, she could get them somewhere private to spill the beans. He had to know, she told herself.

* * *

The air was crisp and breezy in the autumn afternoon. Leaves scattered noisily across the pavement, stirred by the wind. Kahoko had somewhat futilely tried to secure her hair against the tugging of the gusty air. She sat by herself on a park bench, waiting for Tsukimori to arrive. She was horribly impatient. The idea of what she was going to do and say was incredibly nerve-wracking. This was the sort of thing people wrote sit-coms about. This wasn't real life. Well, it turned out it was her life.

_He ought to know_, Kahoko told herself again. _If it was me, I'd want to know if there were hundreds of adoring fangirls calling me a studmuffin and claiming I was made of sex. Well, it's not really a claim; it's pretty true…Hell, what am I thinking that for? _Kahoko shook her head, trying to collect herself.

Just then, the sound of someone clearing his throat made her look up. "Hino-san?"

It was Len. "Tsukimori-kun. How are you?"

"Fine," he replied dryly.

"Oh, good. So… um… would you like to walk?"

Len shrugged and she stood up. Slowly, they started down the path, trying their best to ignore the bothersome wind. The breeze seemed like it was making fun of them almost, twisting up Kahoko's hair and trying to steal the striped scarf Len wore that looked like it was probably hand-knitted. Kahoko seized on the object immediately. "Did someone make you that scarf, Tsukimori-kun?" she asked.

"Yes. My grandmother."

"Oh. How nice. No one in my family can knit," she said sadly. "I'm jealous of Tsukimori-kun."

It got quiet again and Kahoko struggled for a topic, unwilling to begin the conversation of Len's good looks. She wasn't ready yet. She hadn't even figured out how to introduce the subject. "So… um… windy today, isn't it?"

"Yes," Len agreed. "Hino, is there something wrong?" he asked, for once in his life acting somewhat perceptive of what was going on around him.

"Well, um…" _Oh, hell_, she thought. "You see, Tsukimori-kun. I asked you to meet me because I had something very important to tell you."

"Okay," he said slowly, slightly worried that she was going to launch into some elaborate confession of love. Len admitted that she wasn't all that bad. In moments of weakness, as he called them, he had thought about her in a romantic light. He honestly felt that she was going to end up with someone else though. Someone who was handsomer and more talented than he. Len didn't quite know how he would react if she started spilling her guts to him.

Unaware of Len's inner struggled, Kahoko plowed on with what she had to say. There was no turning back. "The other day, I was walking down the hallway and I heard this really strange conversation these two first years were having about you. And I didn't think it was anything exceptional until I heard other people expressing the same opinions about you and started noticing all these different things," Kahoko blurted, knowing that she was both rambling and avoiding the point.

"Hino-san, what are you saying?" Len asked, somewhat annoyed that she was being so vague.

"Half the girls in school think you are a sex god!" she said a little too loudly.

"Wh-what?"

"I just… thought you'd want to know," she finished lamely.

"They think I'm a… a…"

"Studmuffin," Kahoko said.

Len sputtered.

"And that you're made of sex," Kahoko added, unable to control the words spilling out of her mouth now.

"I… I need to sit down," Len said, wobbling slightly. Kahoko helped him over to a nearby bench. "When did you notice this?"

"A few weeks ago. I suspect it's being going on far longer though," she replied.

"This is… this is ridiculous right. I'm not _made of sex_!" Len protested feebly.

"Well…"

"What?"

"Come on, Tsukimori-kun. You can't possibly have been this clueless." _Says the Queen of Cluelessness_, he thought bitterly. "You are a very handsome boy," Kahoko said honestly.

"That's not the same," he snapped. "How am I supposed to walk through school knowing that people are thinking this now?"

Kahoko was silent. She had no response. She hadn't thought that telling him what the people were whispering behind his back could backfire so horrifically.

"Hino-san," Len said at last, much quieter now. "You don't… you don't think of me like they do, do you?"

She blushed. "I'd like to think that I see your talent and personality better than they do," she replied.

"You didn't quite answer my question," he accused.

Kahoko sighed. "Yes, I think you look like a sex god," she said. "But, you're also a great deal more than that. I like you for different reasons. Oh, don't look at me like that!"

"Like what?" Len asked coyly.

She gave him a weird look in return.

"You're ridiculous, you know," he told her.

"Says the boy who didn't know he was made of sex," she teased, enjoying the faint color that reached his cheeks. He frowned.

"So about that," Len said. "I'm going to need a strategy to keep them all away from me."

"You run pretty fast," Kahoko said, feeling excessively giddy.

"I had a different idea in mind."

"Go on. Tell me."

"I need a possessive girlfriend to scare them all away."

"Where are you going to find one of those on such short notice?" she asked.

_Is she being sarcastic or is she really that clueless?_ Len wondered. "Gee, I don't know. How about I just snag the first girl I see? Hey, look! There's one," he said pointing at her.

Kahoko shrieked. "ME?"

"Got a problem with that? You are going to have the boyfriend who's made of sex. Can you handle it?" he challenged.

She got a steely look in her eye. It was that determination that he had grown to respect during the concours. "Only if you buy me things," she said.

Len shrugged. "Sure."

They got up and started walking again. Feeling bold, Len slipped his hand around her waist. She was shocked at first, until she realized how nice it actually was. The wind blew Len's scarf across her and she took hold of it, fiddling with the fringe on the ends. "Do you think your grandmother would teach me to knit like this?" she asked.

Len smiled, excited by the idea of Kahoko coming over to his house for knitting lessons, lessons that he would more than likely disrupt. "I'll ask her," he replied coolly. He was a bit alarmed at how quickly his ego was swelling, but when you find out you're a heart-throb and you get the girl you find more than tolerable—essentially a girl that not being around is _in_tolerable—your head gets pretty damn big. But all in all, Len liked this feeling, especially if he could keep his arm where it was for a very long time.

Kahoko nestled her head against one of Len's broad shoulders. This was nice. Feeling very warm, almost sleepy, her thoughts became very slow. _I'm glad we talked… Who knew first year gossips could be so helpful?_


	2. Operation Hold Hands In Public?

**Author's Note: I know I said this was going to be just a one-shot and I was absolutely determined to keep it that way. Honestly, it was so good, probably the most popular one-shot that I have ever written, that I was deathly afraid that any attempt at a sequel or continuation would ruin it completely and utterly. And yet here I am. The reader response demanding that I continue was tremendous and yet I was determined not to continue unless I was sure I wouldn't ruin it. I suppose I have to attribute this change of heart to my friend Nikki, my enabler (one of many actually), who lent me volumes 3-5 of La Corda D'Oro this weekend (which I promptly read immediately) since I've seen all the anime but not the manga. And then I was standing around in the shower the next day and I had ideas. Happens. So this chapter which follows this impossible long author's note (sorry) exists because of manga and showers and knowing that you would give me a shot if I made an attempt. I've got two ideas for chapters. The one that you will hopefully read if you don't want to already kill me for this long note and one that I will write at a later date. I believe that I couldn't possibly turn this into a story with any sort of real conflict and plot. Instead, it will be little episodic, hopefully funny, chapters all tied together by the ideas of Chapter One. Without any further delay, I give you Chapter Two, which probably isn't as good as the original, but oh well. **

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Chapter Two: OPERATION… HOLD HANDS IN PUBLIC?

Hino Kahoko breathed deeply, trying her best to steady her irrational nerves. Why on earth was this so difficult? The plan had been in place for quite a while and yet she could not settle her flipping stomach. It wasn't that she was nervous about Len. They had already done things together as a couple. Their first date had been horribly romantic and cute, the stuff that ended up in sappy movies about high school sweethearts in fact. They had spent time together and it was always so wonderful. True, they hadn't actually kissed yet, but it had only been a few weeks since that startling autumn afternoon in the park. Both of them were shy and nervous. And yet, Kahoko had certainly held her boyfriend's hand before and she didn't see why she was so nervous to do such a thing now.

They had kept their relationship private for the first few weeks, from everyone (which was exceptionally difficult when Journalism Club President Amou Nami was around). No hand-holding, no hugging, no public displays of affection of any sort. There were brief moments when they were alone, in a practice room or on the roof perhaps, that they lost all inhibitions of the public eye, but as soon as the door opened it was back to hiding their feelings.

But now all of that was about to change. They decided it was time to come out into the open and let the rumors and gossip come at them. After all, it frustrated Kahoko with a horrific burning jealousy when the first year fangirls gazed longingly at Len, whispered behind his back about his awesome likeness to a sex god, or, God forbid, flirted with him openly. She blatantly told him how much she disliked it. And it frustrated Len with a horrific burning jealously when Tsuchiura Ryotaro dogged Kahoko's footsteps like a loyal puppy. He did not confide this to her or anyone. And so they came to the conclusion that it would be best to tell the truth, and the easiest way, they decided, would be to simply hold hands in school. It was the tell-tale sign of a dating couple.

Kahoko walked nervously next to Len, her fingers wrapped in his warm gloved ones. She could just make out the gates to Seisou Academy and the flood of students swarming through them. They had encountered no one on their walk since Len had picked her up that morning. It was astonishingly sweet when he rang the doorbell, though Kahoko was mortified because he had glimpsed her walking through the hallway still in her pajamas. And as she had hurriedly changed into her uniform, she could hear her mother laughing and chatting amiably with Len.

Her mother hadn't liked Len at all to begin with. At first glance, she thought he was rather stuck up and snobbish and couldn't understand why her daughter, whom she thought was such an honest and down-to-earth sort of girl, would want anything to do with him. Upon further understanding, Kahoko's mother started to notice the subtle things about Len that made him truly extraordinary and approved from thence onward of her daughter's choice in first love.

Already ruffled for the day, Kahoko blamed some of her nervousness on Len's unexpected arrival. She had known that today would be the day that they would unveil their secret relationship, but she hadn't expected him to drive the point so forcibly home by walking her to school (though, she thought privately, if he kept the habit up, she would probably never be late again). However, she knew that such a walk couldn't possibly account for her nerves since Len's presence seemed to have a calming effect on her these days. He was probably preventing her from being even more nervous than she would have been.

Len squeezed her fingers gently as they drew closer to the gates. Already people were stopping to stare and take a second glance as they approached. Kahoko looked up at him. Len was smiling softly. It looked good on him—though she could see a soft glimmer of nervousness in his eyes (why would he be nervous?)—and she felt a small wave of relief wash over her. Who cared how people reacted if he would look at her like that every time she saw him? She smiled back and squeezed his fingers in reply and slowly they passed through the gates.

The hallway was an entirely different matter. Whole packs of people stopped to stare and the whispers of passersby seemed to resound with more volume in the closed room than they had in the open air of the courtyard. The hallway was so much more unfriendly.

"What is he doing with _her_?"

"Good God, Tsukimori-kun needs a real woman, not a red haired stick with a Jesus-complex!"

"I wish she would die."

Kahoko shivered and tried to ignore the whispers. It wasn't pleasant. She looked up and saw Ryotaro walking towards them, only to stop dead in his tracks, staring at their clasped hands.

Len struggled to keep a smug look off his face when he saw the depressed soccer player. It wasn't fair after all, and Len knew that if Kahoko found out she would probably stop talking to him for days or something else unspeakably horrible.

"When did that happen?" Ryotaro asked, no pleasant "yo, Hino."

"A few weeks ago," Kahoko said shyly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Tsuchiura-kun, but we wanted to keep it a secret."

Ryotaro nodded. "Congratulations," he said softly and walked away.

"I hope he's alright," Kahoko said worriedly.

"Just a bit broken-hearted," Len replied.

"Huh?"

Len sighed. "Never mind."

They walked onward, Kahoko now too busy contemplating her down-hearted friend to notice the vicious whispers of the underclassmen. Before she knew it, they had made it completely down the hallway to her homeroom and now they stood outside the door.

"You're going to be late if you don't leave soon," Kahoko told Len.

"Yes, I know," he said, not moving an inch, but simply continuing to stare into her eyes. "Will you be in the practice rooms at lunch?" he asked.

Kahoko nodded.

He smiled again, making her heart melt. He truly was taking the studmuffin thing in stride. Kahoko almost laughed as that thought ran through her mind, but she held herself to a smile.

Then suddenly, Len lifted a hand to brush back a strand of hair that had fallen in front of her face, resting his fingers on her cheek bone. Kahoko's heart beat rapidly wondering exactly what he was up to. This was just Operation Hold Hands In Public, right? RIGHT???

Wrong.

She gasped as Len leaned in and brushed his lips up against hers. Before she knew it the kiss was gone, like the simple fleeting notes of his violin. "See you during lunch," he whispered softly in her ear (by far the best whisper she had heard all morning) and drew away.

Kahoko was left stunned for a moment and then she slowly began to realize why Len had also seemed nervous that morning. He hadn't been worried what people thought at all, which had struck her as strange since he never seemed to care what people thought. No, he had been planning to kiss her all along. That was why he was nervous.

She slipped silently into her homeroom, assaulted by Mio and Nao at once, begging to know the details of her violin romance and why they hadn't known it had been going on for weeks.

* * *

Kahoko had waited eagerly for lunch all morning. Violin securely in hand, she pushed her way through the crowd already an expert at ignoring the whispers that trailed along after her. When she arrived at their usual practice room, she found Len, not waiting wrought with anticipation as she expected, but sitting on the floor bemoaning the latest edition of the school newspaper.

"Len, what is it?" Kahoko asked, bending down on the floor next to him.

He shook his head and handed her the paper. The headline read: "Violin Romance Returns: The Secret Relationship Brought to Light" and below it was not simply just a picture of Len and Kahoko holding hands as she had hoped, but a vibrant and remarkably clear photograph of their first kiss.

Kahoko sighed. "Well, we knew this was going to happen. Amou-san is vastly interested in my love life."

"You're so calm?" Len asked.

"And you're freaking out?"

And suddenly everything seemed like a magnificently hilarious joke. Kahoko fell to the ground laughing, clutching Len for support. Finally the quieted down and Kahoko let her head lean against Len's shoulder. "So what's the verdict on Operation Hold Hands In Public, or was it really Operation Kiss Kahoko," she teased.

Len smiled. "Both were successful."

Kahoko nodded. "Want to come over tonight? You haven't met my brother yet and he's visiting home from the university."

"Of course."

She hugged him tightly and he stroked her hair. "So about Operation Kiss Kahoko as you call it," he said, "it's not actually completed yet."

"Oh, it's not?" she said coyly.

He shook his head vigorously.

"And how can I help you with that?"

"I could think of a few ways," he said.

* * *

**Next Time In The King and Queen of Clueless: Granny Tsukimori, an old lady with her own brand of super-awesome ass-kicking power. Much nicer than Yunoki's granny ;)**


	3. Knit One, Perl Two

**Dedication: To my mother who is really, truly, a knitting goddess and has given me substantial material for this chapter in addition to my college essays.**

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_**Chapter Three:**_ Knit One, Perl Two

The Tsukimori household was a grand but simple mansion. Though it was clearly far greater than what Hino Kahoko was used to she somehow managed to feel at home whenever she visited. Len parents were always welcoming, though admittedly they were rarely home. More often was the case that his grandparents were around. Kahoko adored them.

Grandpa Tsukimori was both lively and crusty. His eyebrows were comically in need of a trim and Kahoko found herself watching them bounce enthusiastically across his forehead whenever he spoke, usually telling some amusing story of his days as a juvenile delinquent.

Granny Tsukimori was an entity in herself. She was clever and wise, and also found no problems in speaking whatever—_whatever_—was on her mind. She was also very kind and once a week, she tutored Kahoko on the finer points of needlecraft, namely knitting.

Len enjoyed these lessons more than Kahoko perhaps because he could watch her attempt something that she was not particularly good at. She tackled the task of learning to knit much like she had tackled the task of learning to play her violin properly. Though he wasn't acquainted with all the details, he had some vague inkling that Kahoko had indeed been a complete amateur when she first started playing in the concours.

The expressions on her face were priceless as she struggled to manipulate yarn around the thin sticks of wood, envious of Granny Tsukimori's adept handling of the very same device.

"Wrap the yarn the other way, dear," Granny Tsukimori said kindly to the struggling red-head.

Kahoko's cheeks colored and she followed the old woman's instructions. The stitch came out perfectly.

"Now do a perl stitch."

"A what?" Kahoko asked.

Granny Tsukimori demonstrated on her own pair of needles.

"Oh, right," Kahoko said embarrassed.

"One more," Granny said, "and then start over with the knit stitch again."

Kahoko nodded determinedly. "I shall conquer this. I promise, Granny!"

The old woman laughed. "Ah, you are just like Len sometimes. Did I ever tell you about the time—"

"Grandmother!" Len interrupted, coming down from the stair where he had been hiding for the past half hour. "I thought we discussed this." An unhappy frown graced his face.

"And I thought I told you it was rude to spy, Squirt," Granny said. Kahoko stifled a giggle behind her hand. "I'll tell you when he leaves," Granny whispered to Kahoko.

"I heard that," Len said.

"Because you're a no-good eavesdropper," Granny returned. "Now go on, you're distracting my student."

Len stood torn between disrespect and his dignity. "Go on, Len," Kahoko said, smiling devilishly. "It'll be fine."

All masculine pride put aside, Len wanted to break down and cry right there. His grandmother knew the worst stories and had a horrible sense of humor, which mean that jokes were always at his expense. Awful woman!

"That's no way to listen to your girlfriend, Len," Granny said, interrupting his tormented thoughts. "Now kindly get out."

Len sighed. He couldn't get away with refusing any more requests. "Keep in mind, I'll be in the next room," he said as he left.

"Poor thing," Granny said as he went. "He's horribly self-conscious."

"Are you sure we're talking about the same Len?" Kahoko asked.

"Oh yes. You should have seen him when he was a toddler. We couldn't take him out anywhere he was so nervous. Crying and such all over the place."

Kahoko giggled. "Poor Len."

"Indeed," Granny said reverently. "Alright, you should be starting the next row now. How's that scarf coming?"

The young violinist looked down at the sad show of progress, an inch or two of a ribbed red scarf. "Slowly," Kahoko said.

"Ah, you'll get faster. You'll be churning it out like a machine in no time." The old woman laughed.

* * *

Len was stuck in the next room which happened to be the kitchen, wondering what on earth his grandmother could be laughing at. Little did he know, they were no longer discussing him at all. It had in fact become a practice among this pair of his favorite ladies (save his mother, because like it or not he was a "mama's boy") that when they became aware of his eavesdropping presence his grandmother would threaten to tell an embarrassing story.

Why play such a cruel joke of the violin prodigy? Well, mostly because it was great fun. Len sat at the kitchen table, his head in his hands and a jar of his favorite cookies next to him.

It was then that his father walked in, having returned from visiting on his old friends. The older man grinned slightly. "How are you, son?"

"Awful."

"You don't say. Anything I can do to help?"

"You could tell grandmother to stop telling Kahoko stories about me," Len said hopefully.

"But what fun would that be?"

"Lots of fun!"

Mr. Tsukimori gave his son a stern look. "Your grandmother doesn't get a lot of company and I'm not going to deprive her of any enjoyment in her old age. Besides, Kahoko will still love and respect you no matter what she hears."

"I see," Len said ruefully. "It's a conspiracy to torment me, isn't it?"

"If you're so worried about what they're saying, you could join the lessons," his father said, doing his best to contain his laughter.

"What do you mean 'join'?"

"I mean go ask your grandmother to teach you to knit as well."

"WHAT?"

"Or just live on in ignorance," his father said and left the kitchen.

Dimly Len could hear his father greeting the two women in the other room. His was too astonished by the proposal that he, the great violinist, learn to knit. There were many advantages. He would keep an eye on his grandmother's run away mouth. He could spend more time with both him grandmother and girlfriend. But knitting? With yarn and needles, and …

Len sighed having made his decision, he rose from the table and put away his cookies. He walked into the next room like a man going to his execution. "Grandmother, there comes a time in every man's life in which he must make sacrifices. So comes my time. Will you… will you teach me to knit as well?"

Kahoko and Granny made no attempt to control their laughter.

"I'm serious," Len said.

Granny grinned. "Very well, Squirt. You shall learn to knit."

* * *

Several torturous hours later, Len walked Kahoko home, feeling somewhat revived by the cool almost winter air. Or maybe it was Kahoko's soft hand in his or her head leaning gently against his shoulder.

"You know, Len, I think knitting is very manly," she said.

"You're trying to make me feel better," he said.

"And watching you make that blue scarf is really sexy," she added.

"It's working."

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry for the shortness, but there's only so far you can go with knitting and liked the ending too much XD So anyhow, another apology for taking forever with this update. I've be busy. Yeah, I know you don't care. At this point, this is where I could use help from you guys. I'm out of silly ideas, so I'm taking requests. If you want to see any more ridiculosity (totally a word) I need your help. Thanks for reading and please review!**


	4. ValenFAIL Day

_**The Kind and Queen of Clueless: Valen-FAIL Day**_

**By MadnessinmyMethod**

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**Author's Note: **Hey there, everyone! So I suppose you've probably been wondering where the hell I've been and why I haven't updated. Well the very unsatisfactory answer is that I've been around getting addicted to new animes and mangas and generally slacking off. Just to make a note, I am aware of Japanese Valentine's Day and White Day traditions, but I decided to do something else instead. At any rate I figured I should at least update in honor of Valentine's Day so without further ado I give you a haphazard oneshot composed while listening to R.E.M. and Hole. What a combination!

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When Tsukimori Len did things, he did not slack off. Anything worth doing was worth doing to excess or so he theorized. He was currently seated at a desk with a large stack of paper—and an equally large pile of crumpled paper on the floor—and a pen in his hand. He made a few marks on the sheet in front of him, frowned and crushed it in his fist so it could join its friends on the floor. "No, no," he muttered absently to himself. "That will never work. She'll hate it."

A sharp knock bounced off his door. "Len, it's dinnertime," his mother called.

"I'll be there in a few minutes," he called absently and began sucking on the end of his pen as if that might just help him think properly. It usually didn't, but he thought he'd give it a try…. It didn't.

Frustrated, he got up from his desk and thumped down the stairs. Perhaps some food was what he needed, but he was desperately running out of time. He had promised Kahoko that she would never forget Valentine's Day this year and that White Day would be even better, but he had said that without thinking. He had only a few hours left before Valentine's Day and the best he could think of was flowers. Flowers! Everyone did that!

He sat down at the table with his family and gazed glumly at his plate.

"What's with the long face, Lenny?" Grandpa Tsukimori said, his large white eyebrows bouncing all over his forehead with amusement. "Shouldn't you be excited about all the chocolate Kahoko-chan will give you tomorrow, hm?"

If it was possibly Len's frown deepened.

"You didn't break up did you?" his grandmother asked with concern.

"No," Len said firmly.

"Oh good. I like Kaho-chan."

Len sighed. His grandparents were intensely fascinated by his love life and they wouldn't leave him alone until they heard the whole story about his troubles and woes and dilemmas and… and…

_Len looked over at Kahoko when he realized she had stopped playing with him. She was staring at the floor like she was studying something incredibly interesting. _

"_Kahoko?"_

_She looked up. "Um, I was just thinking," she said. "What kind of chocolate do you want tomorrow, Len?"_

_He took the few steps that brought her closer to him. "I want anything made by these hands," he said—rather suavely in his opinion—taking her hands up in his. Kahoko blushed and smiled at him. _

"_Then I'll surprise you," she said. _

_Len grinned. "Then I'll surprise you too," he replied. "It will be a Valentine's Day to remember."_

"_But you're not supposed to do anything until White Day," she said, pouting. _

"_Then White Day will be even better," he said grandly. _

"_What are you going to do?" Kahoko asked, smiling broadly. _

_Len leaned closer so his mouth was right next to her ear. "It's a secret," he whispered, sending a shiver down Kahoko's spine. She laughed and pressed a kiss on his cheek. _

_He wavered for a moment. Len had been planning to go back to playing with Kahoko, but she had just reminded him that he liked kissing her very much. A quick kiss wouldn't hurt. Well, that was what he had told himself ten minutes ago. _

Grandpa Tsukimori chuckled for a long time. "Ah-ha-ha. So what are you going to do, Lenny?"

"Idiot," his wife muttered at him, "that's the boy's trouble!"

Realization flickered over the old man's face. "Ah right. Of course. Well after such a bold declaration, Lenny, it better be something good."

Len wallowed. "You aren't helping," Granny scolded. "Len, you should play her a song."

"I thought of that too, but it doesn't seem like enough," Len said.

"Take her a fancy restaurant!" Grandpa said. "Women love that!" he added, ignoring his wife's glares. "Oh, I know, you can get her name tattooed on your arm—woah!"

It took the old man a moment to realize that Granny had shoved him onto the floor.

"Hey, I'm old!"

"And crazy too. Don't you dare get a tattoo, Len—" Granny looked around to see that her grandson was mysteriously missing. She rounded back on her husband. "I swear, if he gets a tattoo, I'll skin you alive."

Grandpa smiled knowingly and picked himself back up. "Say, am I getting chocolate tomorrow?"

"Do you want to be on the floor again?"

"No."

"Good boy."

* * *

Len went to Seiso Academy the next day feeling like a fool. A large bandage wrapped around his upper arm was noticeably bulky under his pristine white blazer. The beaming smile on Kahoko's face as she strode to greet him that morning quickly fell into worried concern.

"What happened to your arm, Len?" she asked, dropping her bag of chocolates on the floor to put her hand over the lump.

Len winced at her touch. "I blame my grandfather," he muttered sulkily.

"What did Grandpa Tsukimori do to your arm?" she asked.

Len sighed, now that much like his grandparents, Kahoko would demand a full explanation from him as well. He sat down. "Can I have some chocolate first?" he asked pitifully. Wordlessly Kahoko handed him the sweets. He took a bite and the soothing taste made him feel a bit better. "These are wonderful, you know," he said. "You're wonderful."

"Thank you, Len. But what about your arm," Kahoko prodded, not to be deterred.

"The truth is I had a hard time trying to figure out what to do for you today, Kahoko. And then my grandparents tried to help. I think I went insane for a moment because when my grandfather suggested I tattoo your name on my arm, I took him seriously."

"You got my _name_ tattooed on your arm?" Kahoko said, trying to keep her voice down. She managed to do a pretty good job of it too.

Len threw his head into his hands. "I got as far as the K and then I couldn't handle the needle. It sort of snapped me out of it and I ran."

Much to his shock and confusion, Kahoko threw her arms around his neck and held him tightly. "You are such an idiot," she mumbled into his chest.

Len patted her head awkwardly and realized his jacket was starting to get moist. "Are you crying, Kahoko? Wait, why are you crying?" He was panicking because this was not how things were supposed to happen.

"You have a K on your arm because of me!" she wailed.

"I can get it removed?" Len was really starting to freak out.

"No! I mean not unless you want to," Kahoko corrected. She pulled back a moment so she could look at Len. He was horribly confused. One look at his face made her laugh.

"First you're crying, now you're laughing! What the hell did I do?"

Kahoko put a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles. "Nothing. You're just being you." Len raised an eyebrow. "Adorable," she elaborated.

Len frowned. "I wasn't really going for adorable," he admitted.

"That's true," Kahoko conceded. "You do have a tattoo now. I guess that means you're a stud." Len grinned.

"Am I a sex god?" he asked, recalling how he had ended up with this red-head girl who was trying and failing not to laugh at him.

"Don't push it."

* * *

**By the way, I'd just like to take a minute to thank all of my readers and reviewers, those who favorited and alerted. You guys have made this my favorite bunch of drabbles ever. You rock at life. And if it wasn't completely stalkerish I would show and hug each and every one of you. But it's stalkerish and creepy so I won't. You have my e-love. _Madness**


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